Weather Forecast: Tuesday, mostly sunny, high of 68 degrees F; Wednesday, partly cloudy, high of 74.
I have to confess that there were some moments a week ago when I was spending sleepless nights in hospital rooms and 90+ degree days working outdoors in the humidity that I was feeling pretty discouraged about this season. Our first harvest and CSA distribution is scheduled for this week and it's hard to go into harvest season feeling so far behind schedule. It's times like this that make me doubt myself and wonder why I'm doing this small-scale farming thing, especially through the CSA model which puts pressure on me to produce a certain quantity of diverse produce regularly throughout our season. I start feeling inadequate and wonder if I'm just incapable of succeeding at this work that I feel so deeply called to do.
But my Dad is home now and the weather has been giving me a break (thank you, weather!) these past couple of days. We made a big push to get our middle-sized garden (called 'Middle Earth') worked up this weekend and got most of our tomatoes planted on Saturday. The cooler temperatures mean the spinach bolting has slowed down enough that it will be good to harvest this week for our first share distribution and I'm crossing my fingers that the cabbage root maggots have stayed out of the turnips enough that we can harvest those too, as well as fresh garlic shoots. It will be a small share this week and probably early summer shares will be smaller than normal because of the disruptions in our planting schedule due to my Dad's illness. I've sent an email to all of our members letting them know about this situation and received several responses encouraging us to take care of ourselves and our family first. Which reminds me of why I do the CSA--because it allows me to form relationships with the people that eat the food I grow that go beyond an economic transaction to genuine care for each others' well-being.
10th week Spring is always intense for me as we are finishing up planting, beginning harvesting, and I still have all of my K responsibilities to fulfill.That leads to some long days and short nights. Tonight I came in from the gardens around 10pm when it got too dark to see and tomorrow morning I'll be up at first light to harvest, wash, and bag the spinach before my first meeting on campus. So I'll be tired tomorrow. But I'm excited. The spinach is really tasty right now (it loves this cool weather), and I'm eager to get back into my harvest rhythm. I'm also super excited to get the rest of our transplants in the ground this week and to see the Middle Earth garden come back to life. I almost can't explain how happy it makes me to do this work, despite the moments when I'm laying down in the field weeping with heat, exhaustion, and frustration at yet another challenging situation.
Tuesday folks, we're going to have you help us plant Middle Earth with all kinds of summer veggies: peppers, eggplants, squashes, and those potatoes that we didn't get to last week! Wednesday people, if I can get supplies around, we'll get into our big beehive and see what the girls have been up to these past few weeks. Maybe we'll even pull out some honey if they've been busy making more!
I've been thinking about what question I wanted to ask you this week and my mind keeps going to the theme of harvest and the fact that you will soon be reaping a certain kind of harvest from the work that you've done these past four years in college by receiving your diplomas. But diplomas are just symbols that stand in for what you've actually done and learned during your undergraduate careers. As I'm thinking about the moments when I stand in the gardens and see the plants growing and feel my own passion for this work despite all of its horrible moments and know beyond doubt that this is work I'm meant to do, I'm wondering what hard-won self-knowledge you have cultivated and harvested for yourselves during your time at K College. What do you know about yourself now that you didn't when you walked into your First Year Seminar class for the first time? What self-knowledge will carry you forward into the next phase of your life and support you when things get tough?
Concerning classes:
ReplyDeleteMy SIP experience taught me that I am much more engaged with classes that aren't really my style/about my primary interests when I can make connections to something that I care about. During fall quarter and the first two weeks of winter quarter, I was able to connect EVERYTHING that I read and learned to the environmental satire framework for the novella that I was in the process of writing for my SIP. This newfound engagement not only made me remember details from the classes that I otherwise would have skipped over, but also made me realize the interconnectedness of disciplines as I had not noticed before. I noticed a distinct drop in my interest and motivation to participate in classes once I had turned in my SIP. Going forward, I strive to always have a creative writing project or similar project to which I can make connections. I also intend to take the time to do deep research about the small parts of classes that fascinate me. For instance, I had a ton of trouble paying attention in Cell and Molecular Biology until I realized that I could study the processes in relation to plants, which I love; this gave me a framework into which I could fit an 'applied knowledge' of the details we discussed in vague terms in class.
Being part of communities:
ZooZen, a small group of seniors who met once or twice a week to meditate together during my sophomore year, welcomed me into their community. I was nervous about joining because I knew very little about Zen meditation and had an uncomfortable feeling that I might be appropriating another culture/religion's practices, but the rest of the group taught me that community is about learning and growing together, and that it's important to be honest about what you don't know as well as your intentions to learn. This requires being vulnerable to constructive criticism, being certain of your own intentions, and being able to share your own viewpoint and experiences. I have found this as well with social justice workshops in the Arcus Center: I never feel prepared enough to participate in social justice movements, but forcing myself to engage as directly as possible helps me to recognize what I do know/think as well as my insecurities/what I hope to learn.
About learning agendas:
In Thailand, I learned that I tend to fix onto a topic that really interests me and that, when given an opportunity to discuss that topic with someone, I want to pick their brain as much and deeply as possible. While curiosity is a trait that I hope to further cultivate in my life, I have also learned that this semi-interrogation method that I unconsciously employ when I'm super excited about something can come off as aggressive and impolite. As I have also learned through work at the Writing Center, conversations must be two(+)-way if they are to include both(or more) conversationalists. When I first started my ICRP in Thailand, I tried to lead formal interviews with community members so that I could keep control over which questions I asked whom, which I thought would create a more unbiased and more accurate set of data. Sometimes the people I interviewed just wanted to chat, and I broadened my questions during my time in the village so that I could incorporate what the interviewees found important, not just what I had thought would be important for the focus of my study. The most interesting pieces of information that I learned always came from informal conversations with people with whom I'd developed real relationships, like my host father, rather than from the formally conducted interviews. I really like how this class teaches that joy and resilience are just as important as learning 'knowledge,' and I hope to base my life around what brings me joy as well as helping to cultivate joy for those around me.
I can say with certainty that the biggest thing I’ve learned about myself from my education is…I know nothing. I came into Kalamazoo College knowing that there were things I didn’t know, but I now know that I don’t even know what I don’t know. There is an infinite world out there to explore and learn about; this simultaneously excites and scares me.
ReplyDeleteI’m proud to attend a college that erected a building solely for educating the community and supporting social justice causes—the Arcus Center for Social Justice Leadership. Here, I have attended in numerous speeches, presentations, and workshops that explain the history and complexities of modern-day oppression from those who are researching or directly affected by it. Just some of the events have included food justice, health equity, cultural appropriation, systemic racism, and the Black Lives Matter movement. In addition, I have joined multiple multicultural clubs such as the Asian/Pacific Islander Student Association and Women of Color Association, where I learn about issues POC communities face. In all of these settings, I enjoy evaluating networks of knowledge that structure our society and often perpetuate prejudice.
My experiences at K have mentally, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually awakened me. As I met people of different races, classes, genders, and religions than myself, I became aware of my culturally-sheltered upbringing in a predominantly white and Christian town. My social reality expanded. With these fascinating new voices, sadly, came stories of racism, sexism, poverty, and other injustices. Combined with the liberal arts education, these stories introduced me to the breadth of oppression. It was a disheartening realization, but one that now fuels my purpose.
Service has not only impacted my life, it has become part of my life. Similarly, I have learned that allyship is not a one-time challenge, but a lifelong process. I will continue to identify my own biases, question socially naturalized beliefs, and contest widespread misconceptions, stereotypes, and prejudice. Appreciating another person’s experience enriches my own; however, it can only occur when I listen openly, scrutinize my privilege, and be humble. Personal growth requires courage, and learning never occurs in the comfort zone.
As a first year I flew into Kalamazoo, Michigan feeling lost and kind of scared about moving away from home for the first time. Four years later I've plugged into Kalamazoo's community (mostly through frisbee) and have learned to find a home in not only Kalamazoo, but wherever I travel.
ReplyDeleteI think the things that mean the most to me, and the biggest life lessons I learned at K occurred outside of the classroom though.
I think I found a really special, positive, and supportive community through frisbee that I enjoyed, and that built me up during my first year at K (both at Kalamazoo College and the larger frisbee community). Then my sophomore year, and now especially in my senior year I've learned how to cultivate community through leading the team, and investing in my teammates. I've learned how to balance fun and a life outside of school as well.
My junior year at K (or really not at K at all) was full of growth and learning. Through studying abroad in Thailand and hiking the PCT I learned how to make a home out of anywhere. I learned how to be confident in myself and my own abilities to handle situations and challenges as they come. I learned how to be constantly flexible, and to tackle life's challenges one at a time with compassion, patience, and grit. I learned the value of life, and came to appreciate the capabilities, strength, resilience, and effort of my own body.
I think moving forward I will take the energy that I've cultivated during my time at K wherever I go. I will be able to take my knowledge that I can survive any situation, and that I have a home in myself anywhere I go. I will take the knowledge that I can adapt to any situation with me as well. I think I will continue to want to know more and to explore the world, knowing I'm a guest in almost everywhere I travel, or in whoever's mind I am learning from. I'm definitely going to continue playing frisbee and continue to play outside.
When I walked into my first-year seminar I was a speed-addicted, nervous, excited little ball of snot. I was coming off the high of Landsea, and most of conception of college had been pieced together from movies I’d watched with my friends in Indonesia. I was heavy into video games and didn’t really know much about anything else; like many college students I had coasted my way through high school without really ever learning how to try. College was just going to be another minimum effort stepping stone to a minimum effort life. My dad wanted me to go to the military to put some starch in my collar, and I probably went to college just to spite him. Honestly, military might’ve done the trick but I’m glad I figured out how to do it my way. I went off my prescription meth my freshman year and struggled enormously academically during my withdrawal period. I had a lot of self-doubt; I’d been on pills so long (3rd grade) that I began to question whether I really belonged in college at all.
ReplyDeleteI was stuck in this rut well into sophomore year. I began to resent people, and continually condemned myself in a vicious reprisal cycle. I was booked for study abroad, Spain, and realized way too late that it was just going to be an extension of the present. I managed to cancel my participation a month before I was scheduled to leave, and instead worked to save some money for a gap year. I train-hopped, hitch hiked, biked and walked across America and down to San Francisco. I flew to Mexico and continued this down to Colombia, up until the moment all I had left was enough for a ticket home. Although I had great times, what really shaped me ultimately were the lowest moments of my life. Getting arrested in Wisconsin. Losing your wallet in a country where you know no one. Intense solitude. Anecdotally, I've found that junior year is the year when people experience their most dramatic changes, and that was definitely true for my part.
It was through this struggle that I learned about myself, who I really am and what I am capable of. With that knowledge comes confidence, and while K can put you on your back, there are incredible opportunities for those who are willing to look. I learned that I love to learn, and that despite what the apathetic teenagers tell you in High School, being passionate about something you care about is the most interesting thing you can do.
On academics
ReplyDeleteWhen I came into college, I had no idea what I was getting myself into academically. Based on my AP classes that were "supposed to be college classes in high school" (HA!) I figured college would be way easier than it was. Turns out compressing 40 weeks into 10, and going into much more depth at the same time, caused one heck of a difficulty spike. I think college was the first time in my life that I felt regularly academically challenged, and forced me to confront a lot of laziness in order to perform at the level I wanted.
On interpersonal relationships
I came from a fairly small town where I had lived my entire life, so my friendships were either very old, or very close due to having few things in town to do. But this also meant that most friendships were a long haul commitment; you always saw everyone, so people could only drift so far apart. I think one of the biggest things I learned about interpersonal relationships in college was that not only do some relationships fall apart, that's ok and sometimes even good. I think I have become much more accepting of dynamics in interpersonal relationships, and in the fact that some friendships only exist for certain reasons and have limited life spans.
I remember walking into my first-year seminar class and simply thinking that I could not do it and that maybe college was not the place for me. Coming in as the first in my family to go to college, I felt as if I did not belong here and regretted my decision to attend. My entire first year at K honestly consisted of me continually fighting the urge to leave altogether. However, as a senior on my way to graduation, I feel like I have learned a lot about myself in terms of my perseverance and that I have overall gained more confidence in myself than I had ever experienced in my years before college.
ReplyDeleteIn my sophomore year, after failing to transfer due to general requirements of other schools and deciding not to drop out, I worked to pick myself up. I began working at CAPS (Community Advocates for Parents and Children), which not only got me more involved with the wider community around me, but gave me something that I truly invested in and became passionate about throughout my 4 years here at K. Going to CAPS and working with the kids every Tuesday and Thursday really became something to look forward to and was a bright point in each week. I also volunteered at a few other community spaces, such as Cradle Kalamazoo and Imagine Kalamazoo, which allowed me a broader connection to the community outside of K and gave me an opportunity to leave the K bubble. My sophomore year was also when I found my closest friends here-my Kzoo Family-which also brightened up my experience in college. I am still very close with most of these people today and hope they remain to be lifelong friends. This year was the year that gave me a sense of belonging in higher education.
My Junior year, I went through one of the hardest things I have ever experienced when my Dad suddenly passed away during my fall quarter. At this point, I went through a really dark point in my life and, again, seriously questioned my presence in college. While it took me a few weeks, I returned to campus and finished up my quarter. I found support in two of my best friends here and carried on, which may seem like a small feat, but really became an experience in which I realized my strength. I no longer believed that I did not belong in the collegiate space after this quarter and realized that I could make space for myself in this institution. From this experience on, I made sure to remind myself that I got through it, and with that, I could get through anything else that was thrown my way.
Continued...
ReplyDeleteLastly, in my senior year, I underwent the process of doing my SIP. Although it was difficult, I think this process really taught me a lot in terms of reading, writing, researching, and theorizing. I was able to take everything I learned in my Anthropology/Sociology classes and actually put it into practice in my own paper. While it was overwhelming, it was exciting to do research, interviews, and eventually write on a topic I was interested in and related to. My SIP process basically continued throughout the rest of my senior year, as I was constantly working on it and presenting it at school and at a conference, which gave me a closer connection to my project that I put so much work into. For the first time, this process of writing my SIP paper made me seriously consider graduate school and delving deeper into higher education, which was not something I had even thought about doing beforehand.
Throughout college, I think I did a lot of self-learning and self-growth that will really benefit me in life, as there have been many experiences that could have driven me to not continue in higher education. From overwhelming money problems at home, to stressful workloads at school, to my father's sudden death at the beginning of my junior year, I feel like life has thrown a lot at me in my years here at K, but I think, in all situations, I found it in myself to persevere and continue on despite any grief or struggles that came my way. These experiences really showed me a lot about myself and made me a more confident person going forward. While this may not seem like a huge realization, for me, self-confidence has always been something I have struggled with, and admittedly, is still something I continue to work on, Therefore, my experiences shaping me into a more confident person who feels like I can handle any obstacles that I may face, will really help me in my life after K as I carry forward into my next phase in life.